Gastro-economist Pillows

"Allow me to point out today's special. Our profit margin's immense on that."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

View to the Future

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Important Food Groups

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"This is our soft opening."

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

The Main Types of Cheese