Gastro-economist Pillows

"Allow me to point out today's special. Our profit margin's immense on that."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

La Table

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

View to the Future

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Menu Dating

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Benihana style of cooking.

The Main Types of Cheese

"This is our soft opening."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."