Gardening Wit Pillows

"I did have plants, but they were so needy."

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

Crazy paving company.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

'Dear, I think the plants need watering.'

'Look what my son gave me!'

It's an unwritten law. Guys can like only two kinds of flowering plants - a cactus with thorns or that one that eats flies.

For the new gardener.

"Lift your stems."

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'