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Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'It was this big. I swear'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Black Hole Corks

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'Whoops!'

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

Ghosts save on electrical & plumbing maintenance costs because they don't need easy access to the inside of walls.

The Big A** Theory

'They're evolving like mad -- You put in way too many cosmic rays!'

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'You must be the new guy! welcome to riding club buddy!'

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"