Gallery Connoisseur Behind Bars Gifts

Exhibition for Prisoners

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

The perfectionist.

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"That must be the artist over there."

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Private Viewing

Prisoner still life painting.

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

Please do not touch the art. Please touch the artist.

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

Francoise Gilot

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Decaying corpse

Understanding art.

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

Tracey Emin's Bed

'Of course this makes your old masters al look now so very contrived.'

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

Joseph Furphy and Miles Franklin.

"In this series, the artist is in dialogue with her printer."