Galactic Giggle Master T-Shirts

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Clown's Comedy Fart.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"I can't see a blinkin' thing."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

"Bad news, Dad—you're brain-dead!"

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

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Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"More helium."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

Edith does ceramics strictly for her own amusement.

'Here Coco. It's another prescription for laughter to be filled.'

Acupuncture clinic

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Black Hole Corks

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Although she wrote in her online dating profile that she wanted a guy with a sense of humor, this was not what Mindy had envisioned.

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Any history of extinction in your family?'

Tragedy and Material