Galactic Gambler Mugs

European Space Agency.

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

'I don't like to take chances.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'You're about to see a drive for the ages!'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

"Have you been scratching this?"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Worm Bed

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Unnatural Selection.

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Solitaire card shark.

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."