Gabber Prints

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

Worm Bed

"Have you been scratching this?"

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Unnatural Selection.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Solitaire card shark.

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

"He's in a high stake poker game right now."

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'I think I'll raise.'

'Special Delivery!'

Monkey casino study.