Future Pet Detective T-Shirts

"If you want your mum to let you have a dog, tell her you want a pet snake."

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

Barks in code.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Dog Nightmares

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'So who needs sonar?!'

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"What's all this?"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"Now how did she know?"

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"That's why I don't use those dog carriers."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."