Future Pet Detective T-Shirts

"If you want your mum to let you have a dog, tell her you want a pet snake."

Barks in code.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'So who needs sonar?!'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"What's all this?"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"Now how did she know?"

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."