Future Dribbler T-Shirts

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

Exercising

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Children playing football.

Midnight Basketball

Future Wrestler

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

A boy with a football

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

Not The Real Me

Football Skills

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

Lionel Messi

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

"What a midfield wizard!"

"It's your turn, kid."

Athletic Darwinism.

"Why are you studying? Go outside and practice shooting three pointers, so you can ear big bucks like Steph Curry."

"Papi, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"

'Remember son, winning isn't everything. You need good endoresement deals too.'

Boy holding football.

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'