Furniture Guardians Pillows

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"Beware of God"

"Let's face it Mum, the main reason we're an endangered species is that we're fussy eaters..."

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

'I've stopped getting bright ideas.'

If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.

'Thank goodness you got here in time. Frank was going to start without you.'

"But is it Organic?"

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'I used to wrap the couch in plastic, but this is better.'

"Have they no shame?"

Greece Burns

"Freeze, or I'll mop the floor with you!"

Make a careful study of these creatures and use every means to combat them...

"Try nibblin' through that, you little tree rat!"

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

Pay Now . . . or Pay Later.

'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'

"Brenda takes no chances over someone stealing our washing."

'You get kickbacks from Al's Sofa City, don't you, Fluffy?'

The Formation of the British Volunteer Force, 1859

'You're home early. I thought you were going to the gym.' 'I did. And then I saw a big sweaty butt print on the stationary bike seat, and well, here I am.'

Children and the pandemic

Consumption vs. Strategy.

"Patience, oor wullie, patience!"

Beware of the Dog

"He's still there. Try adding an angry face emoji."