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"So what if you were adopted from the shelter! As fas as I am concerned, you're still my brother and I love you! come here..."

"Foster failure"

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Babies vs. Dogs

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"A little help, please."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

When is he coming home buddy?

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"And they say WE have a shedding problem!"

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

"The emotional support goes both ways."

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

"You've got to lay off the homework."

"He's sending an instant message."

"Don't take it personally, Max — to him, you're just a dog."

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

'I think I'm feeding you too much.'

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'