Funny Spouse Moments Enthusiast Mugs

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

'Golf is Life (his).'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'What seems to be the problem?'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

"'Till death do you part?"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"How did my mom know I went to get ice cream after school? She's either placed a tracking device on me, or she's tracking my phone."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

"Honey, I'm home."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

Working from home

"My wife says I never listen to her ... or something like that."

'I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always!'

"It says here in this magazine you’re an idiot."