Funeral Services Buff T-Shirts

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Bug Funerals

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

"Will that be all, sir?"

Gravedigger

Undertakers' supermarket.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"He had himself pierced once too often."

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

Doorman with Angel Wings

Undertakers Pole

"I considered putting his ashes in an urn, but Bob would have wanted it this way."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"