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"All we have left is standing room only."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Life after death

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Life and Death

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Cricketer's funeral

2pm meet your Creator

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Ventriloquist Grave

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'At least they did a good job on him.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'