Funeral Pre-planning Prints

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'You'd look good in that.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Go Now, Pay Later/Pay Now, Go Later!

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

O'Leary's Monuments

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

Sympathy Cards

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."