Funding Fiasco Expert Gifts

'I thought it was the ultimate expression of minimalism, but it turns out the gallery's lost its funding.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'I was close to a breakthrough when the grant money ran out.'

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

'If this is a democracy, how come voters don't get matching funds?'

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'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"Peggy, can we find someone to misuse a few of these campaign funds for a run to the deli to get us some lunch?"

'We'd love to pay staff more, but there's just no money! But you've got dozens of empty posts, why can't you use the money saved to pay better rates?'

'And then I said, 'So sue me!'...'

'I need another raise so I can pay for the car that I bought to celebrate my last raise.'

'Ah, another grant has come through.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

If time is money, why the hell isn't space money?

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Research For Money

Corporations are People: Money is Speech.

'I put money in the stock market and now I don't have any to put in the supermarket.'

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"Your company has gone bankrupt and you've been imprisoned because we gave you bad info? Didn't your mom ever teach you not to trust strangers?"

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AnneMarie was convinced that her car had mysteriously shrunk while she was shopping.

'According to our bank statement, they're broke.'

'Should I ask for a raise?' 'Don't bother, the firm's going under!'