Fun-loving Linguist T-Shirts

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Artichoking victim

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

Heart To Heart

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"Pansexual"

Overly wordy travel.

"Is it ne'er do wells, or ne'ers do well?"

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"What?"

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

Simultaneous translation.

Boss hands over document: 'There are too many abbreviations in your report ? can you rewrite it asap?'

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

"Spell "orange." "The fruit or the colour, Miss?"

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."