Fruit Critic Mugs

Produce Dept. Why is they are always yesterday's bananas or tomorrow's bananas, and never today's bananas?

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

"Just be yourself."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

What the Doctor Ordered

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Rump roast?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'Needs salt!'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."