Friendship Problems Pillows

"I know I said some things last night, but I'd rather go back to our relationship being purely symbiotic."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

Polygamists' Picnic

Dolphin friendly tuna

"I hate it when we fight."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Cat and mouse

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"How should we divide the teams?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

Holding hands

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

Emotional Bling

Superheroes Having a Drink

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."