Friendship Problems Pillows

"I know I said some things last night, but I'd rather go back to our relationship being purely symbiotic."

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Dolphin friendly tuna

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Polygamists' Picnic

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

Cat and mouse

Holding hands

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"How should we divide the teams?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"I hate it when we fight."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

'I think he's lonely.'

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."