Friendly Separation Pillows

Lesser-Known 'Conscious Uncouplings

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Tension filled the tent.

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'The grudge match.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

An Archeologic Dig

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Separations.

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Warring parents

"No heroic measures."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."