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Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

Teacher's pet dog

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

"I love college."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

'There are ten questions on this quiz. Each is worth 20 points.'

"'I'm checking my answers."