Friend Of The Bride Prints

The Happiest Hen in Abingdon.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

Wedding Fayre

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Speech

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Yes ... no!"

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

Bouncing baby

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

The Aisle

Last night of freedom.

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

Bridal bootcamp

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"My favourite part of the wedding ceremony was when the minister said "repeat after me"..."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Training the Bride's Train Bearers

"Remember when we used to wonder whether to kiss on the first date?"

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

"Unaccustomed as I am to public squeaking…"

'Jim called to say he apologizes to you and the 300 guests, but he'll have to marry you next week instead. He totally forgot he made plans to go to a boat show this weekend.'

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'I've always been partial to the Goo Goo Dolls.'

"Bride or Groom?"