Friend Of Irony Mugs

"It was all that running around town buying diet books that achieved my weight loss."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

End the Winter Blues

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

You're Out Of Order

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."