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"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Snowprov

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

Eucharist

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Movers and shakers.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

'That better not be a second rib scar, Adam.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Policeman to driver; 'You gotta be kidding. Your name is actually Anna Nicole Smith?'

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"If at first you don't succeed, give up skydiving."