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Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'We live in a designer trainer.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

'You know the rule, new guy carries the lotion.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"You said you wanted me to read more, so tonight we're watching one of those movies with subtitles."

Canine Frat Parties

'The mARTyr'

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"Sure, we hobnobbed, but we never networked."

"I would work if I could but it interferes with my thinking!"

Ingmar Bergman's Ill-Fated Encounter with Hollywood.

'Wow! That's probably the best Kyrgyzstani neo-realist horror-comedy crossover I've seen so far this year.'

"Owing to his Lordship's recent divorce, the hall is now open at half price"

"These older homes are tricky. You never know what kind of pipes you'll find."

"We have a new and cunning plan - we're going to inject the Soil with Viagra."

'I need time off to go back to college and party. Fraternity leave.'

'Huck me.'

God's frat house.

Beerboarding 101

'I can't believe it — you rented a foreign film?'

"Should we watch the movie whose title we can't remember or the one whose title we can't pronounce?"

"Why don't you try the Omega house? I don't think you're Alpha dog material."

Big sundial

Rialto: a brief respite between the summer deluge of bottom-feeder crap and the winter deluge of upscale crap

'Quasimodo discovers he can't wear roll neck sweaters'

"Whoa! Turns out you're sixty-four percent douchebag, Kyle."