Four-legged Schemer T-Shirts

Rover's Cake

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"I'm moving all the money from our rainy day account into a slush fund."

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

The Tax Loophole

"Better use the ink wedge."

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'