Fortunetelling Fido T-Shirts

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Pie Filling Reader

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."