Fortune Teller Pillows

'And now over to Mrs Miggins for our financial forecasts...'

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

You will meet a handsome strategic partner.

"This just isn't doing it for me. Could we go back to using the crystal ball?"

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'That's the skip-forward button. Great for jumping to conclusions.'

"I see a great business relationship developing between you and someone named 'the Colonel'..."

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

'See if our technical people can get this up and running.'

"You will make the same foolish mistakes you have made before, not only once but many, many times again."

Snow Globe Fortune Teller

"I see meetings. Lots of meetings."

'You're going to get bigger.'

'I see a bright future, a transformation: Beauty, wings, elegance...'

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"Oh, we used to use a crystal ball, but hacking into your credit files is much more informative!"

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Tells it like it was, Tells it like it is, Tells it like it will be.

"In the future, everyone will have privacy for fifteen minutes."

'Your crystal ball has holes in it!' 'When business is bad I give bowling lessons!'

Fortune Teller and Ophthalmologists: 'See the Future' and 'See the Present.'

'When will it be OK to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

Crystal Balls.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'...and you cannot change a thing, as you are completely controlled by your genes.'

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"You will fall backward. But eventually you will spring ahead."

"You are fair, compassionate, and intelligent, but you are perceived as biased, callous, and dumb."

"You had a great summer and you're going to have a great fall."

Fortune-teller: 'AHH, what the...?!'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

'And what makes you think you'll be good at planning ahead?'

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"