Forensic Scientist Pillows

"Was the coroner able to establish the cause of death constable?"

"I take it this is your first day as a scene of crimes officer?"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'We ran some samples at the lab... it's dirt alright.'

'Forensic scientists have now determined that the fall of the Roman Empire was due to an accounting error.'

It was the break they had been waiting for: prints left behind at the scene of the crime.

"It looks bad, boss - they got your DNA off an old tennis ball."

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'If you are going to be a CSI, you can't say yuck at everything you see!'

'Evidence, shmevidence - Next!'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

"Don't worry, this is our star witness..."

'I suppose the only way we could find out exactly who collected these DNA samples would be to fingerprint everyone.'

'Off hand, I'd say it's a head trauma caused by a blunt instrument.'

Serious Freud Squad - "Tell us about your mother."

"Oh come on! How can you possibly know that it's Yorick without a proper forensic reconstruction?"

"I know it's the right thing to do, but if we call the cops this sandbox will be tied up for weeks."

"But Holmes how did you know what the victim had for his last meal?" "Alimentary my dear Watson."

Suggestion Box/Fingerprint Kit

'It's your turn! I done the dusting yesterday!'

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

"I've already put the evidence in a tidy little bag for you."

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

'The footprints in the cheesecake were inconclusive, but my DNA was all over the peanut butter pie.'

'After we showed him the partial print we got at the crime scene he decided to lawyer up.'

Forensics says it wasn't the pease porridge hot or the pease porridge cold. It was the pease porridge in the pot that killed her. Apparently it was nine days old...

'A piece of skin from the killer's arm, by jove. Let's go back to the lab, clone it, and identify the murderer when he grows up.'

'It appears he was popped.'

"For the last time! No more DNA evidence!!"

'Stop collecting wild flowers constable, we're looking for clues!'

'Seriously, not a single fingerprint?!'

'See? Now that you have a crime lab of your own, you don't know what to do with it.'

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."

'Any thoughts on cause of death guv?'

"You realize, I guess, that you've left your DNA on that."