Foreign Service Worker Gifts

"You have of course met the French attache Pierre."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'Call me in the morning. In the afternoon, I'm out in the field.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

Politicians are from Uranus.

"Whine and cheezed party."

Capital Tours

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Come to think of it, I can't think of the last time I saw a monarch around here."

Job Safety - Hardhat.

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"The government is adamant that a policy of removing income support from lone parents with children over 7 is in the best interests of the treasury."

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"A little lamb please."