Foreign Service Worker Gifts

"You have of course met the French attache Pierre."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

'Call me in the morning. In the afternoon, I'm out in the field.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Whine and cheezed party."

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

Capital Tours

Politicians are from Uranus.

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

Job Safety - Hardhat.

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Come to think of it, I can't think of the last time I saw a monarch around here."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

"A little lamb please."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'