Foolishness Philosopher Prints

Intuition Failure

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

The Meaning of Life

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

Fish Food

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

Well, I think we know who wears the pull-ups in that relationship.

Congratulations! The secret to life is a good cardio workout.

The Birth of Philosophical Thought Experiments.

First Attempts: Wright Brothers. Hair-plane.

'When I was ready to read, they taught me to tie my shoes - when I was ready to tie my shoes, they taught me to read.'

"I've half a mind to protest."

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

One of the crucial moments in evolution: 'It's a beautiful day today... We could go out for a walk...'

It was the day Malcolm found God.

"Relax - I saw a bear do this on TV."

"You're not the 'love 'em and leave 'em' type, are you?"

"You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about."