Foolishness Gifts

"Relax - I saw a bear do this on TV."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

Poisson d'Avril!

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

"It seems I'm having some credibility issues."

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Neutrinos travel faster than light!

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

Ask a Silly Question, Get A Silly Answer

Fisherman.

14! What does that mean? We started the day with 100 pastries. We sold 85. There should be 15 left. But there are only 14. Overreaction coming. STOLEN SCONE!!! Breathe.

"Come on Ed! Cheer up! Look! Worm Attack! Arrahhh!"

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."

Those bubble wrap kids.

A Cartoonist's Pen

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

Intuition Failure

"Today's my dad's 90th birthday. I got him a cake. I used 90 candles to spell out 'Happy 90th Birthday from your goof-up son who can't ever do anything right. I organized the whole party. And what do you think of me, Pop?'...The candles flared up and burned his house down..."

"I like to think that, in my own little way, I played a significant role in the overall advancement of human folly!"

"Is it true that cures the coronavirus?"

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Nearly every day I'm satisfied, happy, and enjoy my life...can you sell my stocks that'll make me broke and depressive?

Taking the bait.

And he did, and they did.