Foodie With Trust Issues T-Shirts

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"He's a fussy eater."

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"Dear Mum, please stop sending me food parcels..."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

Supermarket Aisles.

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

'Of course, I love you, Debbie... but I'm too young to be tied down to one refrigerator!'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Burger Shack. I'm trying to go vegan, but I still sneak away for an occasional burger. You need a little "meat time"!

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

'Do you have a royalty card?'

Guy begging for money holding his hat out. Next to him an out of work chef holding his frying pan out begging for money.

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

'If it tastes good, spit it out!'

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner