Foodie Strategist Gifts

"He usually doesn't see anybody without an appointment, but since you brought pizza ..."

Bob devises the ultimate weight-loss system.

'Here's our strategy...for your last meal order all-you-can-eat and eat it VERY SLOWLY!'

'Are we thinking short-term, high yield, or seeking a more diversified approach offering long-term stability and low maintenance costs?'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

"Who remembers when food wasn't genetically modified?"

Linda sets a pick, allowing Dave a clear path to the last doughnut.

The velcro ties were in place. The lobstermen would have no idea what hit them.'

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

U.S. Bread Basket.

Chess Chef

'Dad's teaching me about the all-you-can-eat buffet line and how to get the most out of each trip.'

'Oh, sure, you can dish it out, but you can't take it.'

'I would go with salmon on this one.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"Graph of broth"

'Pretty sneaky, mom...vegetables in the Jello?'