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'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'My French is not so good.'

"He's a fussy eater."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'I spent the afternoon over a $500 lunch explaining how bad business is.'

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

A man and a woman on a date have a fish head and tail for dinner.

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

'He's messing with my mind. He ordered a plain donut and a chocolate bagel with sprinkles.'

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

"The service here is terrible, but I don't mind. . . the food is terrible."

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

"You need to disable cookies and pizza and ice cream and..."

"Good news is we won a trip. bad news is that it's a trip to France."

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'