Foodie Analyst T-Shirts

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

What the Doctor Ordered

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You do like octopus?"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

La Table

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.