Food Packaging Critic T-Shirts

Peanuts roasted & salted

Packaging Russian Dolls

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Bumper stickers: 'Keep on Truckin''; 'Keep on Trunkin''.

CASA DE JOY PREMIUM TEQUILA STONE BISSETT DISTILLERY CONT. NET.1000 ML 40% ALC Vol.

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

Sales Research shows it's too big for them to carry home, sir.

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"They don't make formula the way they used to."

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'Just wait! Someday you'll be old and corrugated!'

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

Fresh Fish

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

Master Chef

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

Amazon Prime Day ~ The Aftermath

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'