Food Fads T-Shirts

If it had been today...

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I'm a big devotee of fasting."

"I have a food intolerance - I can only eat photogenic food."

"It's lactose-free! It's chemistry-free! It's free from animal by-products! It's the milk without milk!!!"

"It's sugar, fat, gluten and lactose free...They say it will help you live longer."

"Gluten free?"

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

All Natural Nothing

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Queen of Quinoa

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Fridge-to-table"

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."