Following The News Prints

'...And our extended forecast calls for one #!@*!! thing after another.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

Netanyahu versus Gantz

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

US election postal vote controversy

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do not add up to 100 may help explain why.'

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"It's the new Trump Tower..."

"Ok, ok, climate change is not a hoax!"

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

The search for Weapons of Mass Destruction

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

"And in what could be the biggest development for Hispanics in the history of the United States...hold it...I've just been told Hispanic Heritage Month is officially over. When we come back...hidden cameras in bathrooms! Only on the news at 5!"

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'