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World's sma.... llest beach

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Snowprov

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'Not that slowly back...'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"You spoil that boy."

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'