Flatulence Humor Connoisseur Pillows

"...and this one keeps my flatulence under control."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"He's a guard dog."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

Honest Vending

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

'Take me to you lieder.'

Knickerless Cage.

'Crisis'

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

'It's clear that we need Haitian refugees in America to do jobs Americans aren't willing to do... Like voting Democratic!'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

Shlurp shlup shlurp. (Published originally on January 10. 2005.)

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"Is that snow? We never get snow around here...what do we do?"

Man in a Tuxedo

"Occupied" - Man urinating in space

'Reports of my abstinence have been slightly exaggerated. . . I read somewhere that smoking and drinking are bad for you. . . so I gave up reading.'

How's My Omnipotence? 1-800-CREATOR