Flatulence Fighter Pillows

"Forgive me, Father ... I forgot to take my Beano."

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Vaccine

Flu vaccine.

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"Polly wants a flu shot."

The Anti-flat shampoo worked.

Flu Vaccine.

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"This feels so familiar."

Pick one: ounce of prevention or pound of cure.

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

Trick or Treatment.

"Apparently Harry is gone viral!"

The Fart Side

"Here comes someone now. If we're lucky they haven't had their fly shot, or won't wash their hands!"

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

"That's what I thought at first, too, but it turns out you have a case of bird flu!"

Air catarrh.

"Each time someone enters this house, they'll be doused in antibacterial soap. It's just during the flu season."

'Over on stage number two is the lovely, succulent, Misty Flatulence!'

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"As soon as the leaves turn, my hair goes crazy."

'You don't want to eat me. I have Bird Flu.'

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"I'll have the chicken Tamiflu."

"You have a common cold. Here's a prescription for chicken soup from the deli next door."

"It's the same every winter - another epidemic of norovirus stories."

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

'Relax, I'm only going to open a window.'

After having had beans at the last motorway cafe...The lorry driver hadn't realized gasses had built up in his cab.