Fix-it Comedian T-Shirts

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Timber preservation

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'No it's still not fixed'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Was it a fuse?"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I think I found the problem.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Organized chaos.

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

How to Build a Bungalow