Fitness Fanatics T-Shirts

'Okay. . . five more! Spring forward! Fall back.'

'Instead of passing the fat tax on soda, the government requires that people do 10 chin-ups before the cooler will open.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'You have to actually exercise. Jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping breakfast and juggling two jobs won't do it.'

Having everyone do an hour of yoga in the office seemed like a good idea on paper.

'Actually, I'm an athletic trainer. I just do hair removal on the side.'

'I can't figure it out. I swim all day and I can't lose weight.'

Emergency services on a tread mill

'I can help you develop your triceps, possibly beef up your chest. But to be brutally honest, you need to be erased and completely redrawn.'

'I only weigh 95 Kilograms ... Thats 210 in pounds!'

Step class member taking the elevator at work

'He's tagging exercicse equipment to study its migratory patterns as it travels from lawn sale to lawn sale.'

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

Spiky treadmill.

'I've told you before Ralph, touching your knees fifteen times a day isn't going to do it!'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'Elizabeth, dangit, woman you are testing my patients.'

"I'm starting to see some real definition in my abs."

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'The last time I stepped on that thing I had strained vocal cords for a week.'

"I wish I could bulk-up like that."

"Diet, exercise, evolution and a positive mindset."

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

"You got this, gents! Sore today, strong tomorrow! Obstacles are opportunities!"

"What now?" Runners disturbing loggers

'And one, and two, and three, and don't get discouraged Manatee, and four, and five...'

Muscular Santa

Treadmill prototype

Sports Day at the Monastery

"These younger guys never do curls like we did. All they want to work on is their 'apps'."

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

'How do you like the new aerobics instructor?'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Caution - hazardous waist.