Fitness Enthusiasts Confronted With Reality T-Shirts

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Now that we've developed lungs, it's only a matter of time before we feel guilty about not exercising.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

Cyclist Flamingoes

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Body Building

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

'Much like my hairline and waistline, our numbers are trending in the wrong direction.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

'Your request for a company vehicle has been approved, however, it's not the Cadillac you wanted. Since you need the exercise, you're getting a skateboard.'

Reasons to avoid training No. 2453

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping breakfast, and jumping to conclusions doesn't count."

Candy Shop and Al's Gym:'We have heart-shaped candies' - 'We fix pear-shaped bodies'.

How the Fiddle Stays Fit.

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

Self-help videos: Buns of steel & Buns of brioche.

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

Athlete

Fred found he got more exercise when jogging while listening to a gramophone than an iPod.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'I don't mind you earning more money than I do, Gretchen, or driving a more expensive car, but do you have to bench press more than I do, too?'