Fiscal Fool Prints

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

Currency Stimulus.

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

Fiscal cliff

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"At last, a country that welcomes poor refugees like me..."

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

Sign on door of company cafeteria of financial services company says: 'Do not feed the bears'.

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

"Do me a favor, Harlow. When you greet me, stop saying 'Hello, big spender!'"

The world enters a global financial recession.

"No more stress!"

"Someday this will all be yours!"

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

Bureau of Government Pork: 'Good Lord! Who's going to pay for all this!'

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."

"Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax. Not having to pay it."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent pay-as-you-go plan of just 2,359 easy payments."

'It's 10pm, do you know where your tax loopholes are?'

"Is it called a tax 'code' because it's difficult to decipher."

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"What do you mean 'It's only money'?"

"Clean your wallet, Sir?"

Those wanting a balanced budget...

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

'Savings on Merchandise'

Sacrifices.

"That's not true sir, we don't try and soak the rich - we try and soak everybody."