Fiscal Detective Gifts

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'I have only one deduction to make...you're lying!'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"I see you've arranged your life and business so that you can deduct everything. Do you know the penalty for 'trying to beat the system'?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

Flat tax - equal burden?

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'Crisis'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

'If nobody has any money, where did it all go?'

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

IRS Audit Section

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Euro Bomb

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

R. Jones: Investment Advisor - Out Chasing Yield

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

Financial Corruption

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'