First-time Welfare Applicant Pillows

'You look nervous, kid - this your first time?'

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"The government is adamant that a policy of removing income support from lone parents with children over 7 is in the best interests of the treasury."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Poor & Elderly Carry The Load Of The Iraq War.

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

Social security.

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

"We seem to be the only animals here."

"It's a newstart rescue canoe ."

"You want a letter of recommendation from my last employer? I'm sure my mom will write me one!"

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

Will work for health insurance.

"But on my claim form, it definitely says Universal credit..!!"

'... And how long has your civil list been frozen?'

Social Services held back by risk, unrealistic targets and budget cuts.

Paris-ites

'Let's see if you qualify for a handout. How many nuts do you have currently, and where are they buried?'

"The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible...but only under certain limited clearly defined circumstances."

'What have you got on how to apply for Government handouts?'

TV: 'It's 10 pm- do you know where your social security funding is tonight?'

'You got yourself a job? -- Don't you care what happens to me?'

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

"The government should look where I'm going"

No More Assistance

'I landed this on Jobseeker's allowance.'