First-time Visitor Pillows

"Tourists? What makes you think we're tourists?"

"The first one's just a warning."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

Star Wars Audience

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

Entering New York City - Check it out

"First the lady asks if I want to take this book...then she says I have to bring it back in two weeks!"

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

'Sir, your suitcase is quantitatively challenged.'

"What's not disgusting?"

Welcome to Ontario...yoo-oo-ooo-ooo- are here!

Mrs Amblewll wished they'd hurry up and repair the park toilets.

'Downwind from a herd of first time investors approaches the pinstriped investment banker, eager to make a kill.'

'Don't' Feed the Animals' sign with a saw in it.

Bear painting signs encouraging people to feed the animals.

Little girl to baby: Is that a good book?

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'I thought we were going to the zoo too, but look at that red blob there...doesn't it look like a bird? Or a cow?'

Old lady feeding birds at a dining table in park.

'It's a dirty lie... I only drink to be sociable!'

A woman breaks a loaf of bread into breadcrumbs for the ducks.

'Hey, this is nice! You should see my starter cave!'

'You're on the very bottom of the 'property ladder'. Or as we estate agents call it; 'the food chain'.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

Excess Baggage: People will do almost anything to avoid paying those fees for checked baggage.

"Of course I Love You For Your Mind."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

"Striped-shirt, a faint smell of garlic: jackpot! I think this guy is coming to throw us French bread!"