First-time Parenting Pillows

"No wonder he won't stop crying. That's the wrong end, you idiot."

A New Parents Book Cover Idea.

"Congratulations! We've bought you one more thing to keep alive."

'Does anyone feel like I do?'

'Gotta look like I worked up a sweat!'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

A young Don King

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

The Baby Walker

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Ahhh...'

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"